HOW I'VE SURVIVED FASCISM SO FAR (PART FOURTEEN)
 

ICY Agents in the Enchanted Forest


 

   As I was strolling through the enchanted forest, I encountered a sleepy faery. Not wanting to disturb her, I tiptoed away.
  From a distance, I noticed cold-blooded monsters grabbing the sleepy faery and tossing her into a box.
  "What on earth are you doing?" I exclaimed.
  "We are ICY agents who are detaining illegal faeries," one of them replied. "If you interfere, we will arrest you and toss you into a cell. Do you understand why you shouldn't get in our way?"
  "I guess I see why," I shrugged. "But why are the faeries considered illegal?"
  "They immigrated here from a different part of the forest," one ICY agent replied. "We must deport them all!"

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Detained Faeries


 

   Suddenly one ICY agent grabbed three faeries out of the box and shoved them into a cage. "We're going to eat well tonight!" the ICY agent exclaimed.
  I wondered if they were going to eat the faeries or if they were going to be rewarded with more food for capturing more faeries than usual.
  "Are you going to eat the faeries?" I inquired.
  "Don't interfere!" all of the monsters shouted. "If you want to see what happens when you get in our way, just keep talking! Why don't you just keep walking instead?" one of them sneered.

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Detained Ogre


 

   I just kept walking. Soon I came upon what appeared to be a prison camp. Surprisingly, a guard let me in when I told him that I would like to visit the prisoners. The first inmate I encountered was a huge ogre.
  "Hey, there, Mr. Ogre, sir, why are you in here--if you don't mind me asking," I asked politely.
  The ogre grunted. "One day, I was just minding my own business and an ICY agent detained me. I wasn't hurting anyone or breaking any law," he complained. "I have lived in the enchanted forest for most of my life. I have always been a productive citizen. Granted I look different from most creatures in this forest and I remain solitary for the most part, but I wasn't hurting anyone or committing any crimes. I was just cleaning up my part of the forest when an ICY agent grabbed me with its talons and carried me here and threw me in this cell without any due process."
  "So this is a detainment camp," I mused.
  "More like a concentration camp," the ogre muttered. "They give me just enough food to keep a squirrel alive. They're working me to death. They treat me like a slave but keep saying that work will set me free. I'm not usually violent, but one of these days, I'm going to crack some skulls and escape from this hellhole."

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ICY Dragon in the Enchanted Forest


 

   The ogre continued, "You see, some of the ICY agents are dragons. They don't provide a warrant or identify themselves. They just grab you and tear you away from your home. Any other ICY agent would have been really sorry for messing with me, I guarantee you!"
  "I have no doubt about that," I agreed.

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Detained Homeless Woman in ICY Cell


 

   I said goodbye to the ogre and moved to the next cell. An old woman was sitting on a patch of grass in the middle of the cell. "Hello, ma'am. If you don't mind me asking, why are you here? You don't look like you're a hardened criminal or like you're from the enchanted forest."

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Homeless Woman before Detainment


 

   The old woman looked me over, then replied, "Right you are, young man. I am from a city in a distant part of the realm. I once lived in a comfortable home and always had enough to eat, but those heartless monsters in congress and the administration made it almost impossible for old people like me to continue getting Social Security benefits. Due to some stupid mistake, I lost my benefits. Of course, they gutted health care benefits as well. I suffered a terrible illness, which made me totally broke, and I soon became homeless."
  "That's truly horrible," I replied sympathetically.

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ICY Agent on the Street


 

   She continued, "Those ICY monsters rounded up the homeless and treated us all like criminals. They sent many of us here to this gulag. At least I have grass in my cell. That makes me feel a bit more comfortable."
  "How thoughtful of them," I muttered sarcastically.
  "Can you get me out of here?"
  "I'll do what I can," I mournfully replied, "but I can't guarantee anything, I'm afraid."

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Detained Fool


 

   I encountered a fool in the next cell. "Hey, you don't look like you're from these parts and you don't look like a violent criminal. Why are you here, if I may ask?"
  "ICY agents profiled me. They said that I 'look like a dissident.' They claimed that I 'show indicators revealing that I might be an insurrectionist or a terrorist.' Look at me. I'm just a fool. Do I look like a terrorist to you?"
  "Nope, not at all. That really sucks," I replied.

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ICY Agent on Alligator


 

   The fool continued, "I was just hanging out in my neighborhood, and suddenly this hippy-looking dude riding an alligator arrested me. My theory is that he was once a hippy who had become some kind of libertarian extremist. That alligator was pretty mean-looking, and alligators can outrun people, so I surrendered and ended up here in this swamp, which the guards call 'Alligator Auschwitz.'"

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Detained Protestor


 

   I shook my head and moved to the next cell. "Hello, friend, why are you here?" I inquired. "You don't look like a dangerous criminal."
  "No, I'm definately not a criminal," he replied. "I was just protesting about how the military is policing our city streets. That is illegal, but the king doesn't follow the law anymore. He just wants to consolidate power. He wants to dominate the people of this realm. They arrested me for being unpatriotic and anti-this and anti-that. I'm just against the military going to war against its own citizens when instead the military is supposed to protect us from foreign adversaries."

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ICY Agent with Flag


 

   "How were you detained?" I asked politely.
  "Some ICY agent waving a red flag rushed up to me and knocked me down and arrested me," he replied. "I wasn't harming anyone or breaking any law. He didn't have any identification, and he certainly didn't have any probable cause for arresting me. Anyone could see that I was just peacefully protesting."
  "ICY agents are like the gestapo, like the secret police!" I lamented.
  "Yeah, better watch your back," he mumbled.

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Concentration Camp


 

   I stepped outside for a breath of fresh air and encountered a group of men dressed in what looked like pajamas. I politely asked them, "Why aren't you in a cell like the others?"
  "We have the privilege of working out in the open as chattel slaves. They force us to work from sun up to sun down and feed us soup with a few peas in it every night," one of them complained.
  The air was heavy with smoke, which made me cough. "Why is there so much smoke in the air?" I gasped.
  "They're burning the bodies of workers who have died from starvation and overwork," one of them responded.

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Fiery ICY Agent


 

   "Why did they arrest you?" I gagged.
  "We were members of a labor union as well as supporters of democratic socialism. We were holding a peaceful neighborhood meeting when a fiery ICY agent rode up on a horse. He accused us of being anti-capitalist and unpatriotic. He looked like he some kind of fiery demon instead of a government agent. We didn't want him to burn down the neighborhood, so we didn't resist arrest," one of them stated.
  I couldn't stop coughing as they passed me by.

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Detained Dark Knight


 

   I stepped back into the building to get out of the smoke and came upon a dark knight crouching at the back of his cell. "You are a knight. Why are you here?" I asked. "This seems more than a little odd."

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Masked ICY Agents

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   "I approached three members of the military on the streets. One of them had just shot a protester who had shrilly asked why the soldiers were not ashamed of themselves--an outburst that was annoying but not illegal. The protester, moreover, had not made any attempt to harm any of them. I informed the soldiers that as a knight I am responsible for upholding law and order and that it was my duty to arrest the shooter. The three soldiers pointed their rifles at me and told me to back off. I told them again that I was upholding the law--they were not policemen and their use of violence against a peaceful citizen was illegal. I reminded them that the presence of the military had not been requested by the governor or the legislature. I told them that The Posse Comitatus Act outlaws the willful use of any part of the Armed Forces to execute the law unless expressly authorized by the Constitution or an act of Congress. The statutory exceptions include legislation that allows the President to use military force to suppress insurrection or to uphold federal laws. No such exceptions existed in that particular situation. I emphasized that the protest was peaceful and that an invasion or an insurrection was obviously not occurring and that the protesters were not breaking any federal laws. I reminded them that assembly is integral to free speech and that both are protected by the constitution. I also reminded them that it was their duty to disobey unlawful orders. After I was done speaking, the three soldiers threw me down to the ground and arrested me for aiding and abetting an insurrection and for being unpatriotic and for being anti-this and anti-that. Then they sent me to this concentration camp without due process."
  "Yikes," I exclaimed."

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Detained Immigrant

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   Disturbed, I moved to the next cell. "Let me guess," I said to the prisoner, "the military profiled you due to your skin color and concluded without any evidence that you are an illegal immigrant. Then they sent you here without due process. I would even wager that you are actually a citizen. Am I right?"
  "Yes," the prisoner responded. "But you better be careful, my friend. They sometimes let visitors in here and then lock them up. When they have more prisoners, the government pays them more of your taxpayer dollars."
  "Oh," I sighed. "I understand now why they let me in here, and now I see why this agency is called ICY."

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Family Separation

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   "You need to escape now," the prisoner whispered. "Get out of here if you still can. Don't let them tear you away from your family and your friends."
  When it got dark, I managed to escape by stealthily avoiding the guards. I only wish that I could have helped all of the others to escape as well.

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All poems, stories, essays, illustrations, and music Copyright © 2025 by Jim Robbins.